Ivan Lam on Researching Femininity and Queerness During Makeup | Pride in Place

Once I had been 19, I watched a tutorial of someone putting lace in their head and eye shadow on it. Afterward, they took off the lace, and there was a eye shadow layout. I was like, “Wow, that is so pretty. I am likely to do this.” I did it to get a Lady Gaga concert. This has been my entryway to using cosmetics, but I’d the protection of stating, “Oh, I wore this for a concert,” versus wearing cosmetics outside. For once, I looked at myself and was just like, “Oh wow. This can be art.” Following the concert, I gradually played eyebrow pencils, then eye shadows and naked lips and blush.

since I grew up wanting to go to college for supplements, there wasn’t a great deal of room for mistake in science and mathematics. There is no subjectivity. Makeup and imagination was always a means to express myself in ways I could not in work and school. As a whole individual, I think you want any type of outlet to express yourself. Art is obviously political. When it isn’t, it is just indulgent. That may be really intense, but artwork should mention something about you personally or the present social climate. Why is it all there?

Makeup and imagination was always a means to express myself in ways that I could not in work and school.

At 28, I am still figuring everything out. I really don’t wish to be in the stage in my own life in the long run where I look back and believe I did not attempt to drive myself. I have been carrying this time whilst sheltering set up to be like, “OKwell, I can not do anything else, so that I might also be comfortable with what is happening here and play with this.” To me, makeup is extremely important, and saying is essential. Makeup is 1 way I can say myself, but in the long run, I really do remind myself that cosmetics is pigment which could be washed off.

For queer people, there are so many things people are already saying are wrong with them. I can’t have myself or another person telling me that I have to contour my nose or my double chin. There’s already so much pressure. 

I don’t want to put too much importance in attaching myself to makeup. People take everything too seriously and not seriously enough, and I want to be in that middle ground. Even in the makeup world, when makeup tutorials were really, really big at one point, I felt like I wasn’t really welcomed or seen in the space because it was more like, you gotta look flawless. You gotta color-correct this. You gotta hide this. You gotta contour this. 

For queer people, there are so many things people are already saying are wrong with them. I can’t have myself or another person telling me that I have to contour my nose or my double chin. There’s already so much pressure. To add that flawless pressure on myself, I couldn’t do that to anyone as well. 

I do makeup tutorials, but I refrain from telling people that this is the way you have to do things because, all in all, you can do whatever you want. You should do whatever makes you the freest and happiest and most comfortable.

 I am confident that in two years I won’t be this person because I know I’m able to break away from the binary of what I’m supposed to be as a person. 

One thing that’s so amazing about this journey of loving my queer self is I feel very free. I don’t feel bound to wear this forever. I am confident that in two years I won’t be this person because I know I’m able to break away from the binary of what I’m supposed to be as a person. I’m really proud of that because learning transcends your knowledge and the fluidity of being able to break through what society sees you as is so important in learning. It breaks through your ego, breaks through how you express yourself, what you are taking in. I love that right now for myself.

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